give me good answers...

so here i am. still trying to find answers. do i have to dig graves to find someone loyal or someone who's worth my time? this may sound cocky, but i'm the best boyfriend in the world, and i'm fucking proud that i'm aware of such thing. i'm loyal to the bones!! i fall hard that i allow myself to be dumb at times. if i love i love with everything that makes me and that there are times that i get stupid and shit. we must learn from those fucking players. times when pain is too much to handle that i want revenge or i want to be numb that i try to be a bad person but i just can't 'coz i respect woman. why?? maybe because i have 3 gurl siblings and because i love my mom so much coz`she's so strong that i don't want to make the same mistakes as of my freakin father who was freaking weak that he almost destroyed my sanity. my mother taught me alot of things. i can say that there are times that she really made a shit on my life but then she gave me strength 'coz when that time when our family was on the verge of breaking up she faced it and she forgave my father. my father is not the best father in the world but when he chose to fight and stayed with our family he gained my respect. he even gave me an advice that i can't forget but i know i will not take that fucking advice 'coz i know i'm way much smarter than he is!! fuck im being cocky again. he told me "ang lalake magpaka lalake!" - it's one way of telling me that males are bound to make mistakes. coz we are a fucking slave with lust. and i don't believe him. in my mind i said to myself that "i don't want to be like you". i want to be with one person. i want to give it all even if it hurts. call me a fucking romantic and shit but i really believe in fairytales- that we all end up with the right person if we choose to- but fuck! it's not fairytales heheheheh nowadays it's really hard to find someone loyal. hmmm... forgive me on this; but i know somewhere somehow somebody's going to appreciate me. im being positive!! it's my freakin downfall hahahaha tell me i'm wrong. i believe that somebody out there is as loyal as i am and i being an idealist! bad thing. i have to be realistic...help me help myself. hahaha no, don't! i can walk all by myself heheheh