we love, we bleed, one and the same...

i have to take what's left of me
down with the promises you made while you're away
head bent as i walk in circles
i hope i made the right choice
stuck in the moment waiting for things to sink in
i tried to charge myself with the cigarette that im holding
suck it in and let it linger
wrap my heart with nicotine and let it settle
for id rather have a disease to battle
than to look at your face every single hour
id rather die from within
than to make a scar on my skin
you wouldn't know if im hurting
so let me rest for a while as i try to figure out why im alone with myself.
godspeed to us all.

sunny days at dumsville

everytime im out with the new breed of hardcore drunkards in dumaguete i always share to them the days when i was with a group of superhardcoredrunkards who call themselves brilliant bums. i'm not proud of the way they drink beer like it's fresh buko juice, but im proud of the way they handle themselves when they get drunk. ow. wait. forget bout that. im proud bout the way they handle their studies despite their hectic schedules. to wake up early in the morning to attend class and stay up late and get drunk is not an easy thing to do but it seems that they perfected the kung-fu style routines. i miss them. its not the perfect group but its, by fact, a group filled with imperfect people who admits to themselves that they are not perfect but when theyre all together it seems that the world is just as perfect as they perceive it to be.
at first i thought they were just the typical college students who are just bored with their lives and are just hungry for companionship. you cant blame me for thinking that way coz every single day their faces are at el amigo, a place where a striving student can get a cheap beer and if one has coins to spare then one can get peanuts to further feed the hunger caused by boredom. they were there almost everyday- loud and wild. at times you can see them laughing their asses off with a language everbody calls the "gay linggo" which is a familiar phenomenon in dumaguete; and sometimes with an invented language- the "papipapipapi language" as what id like to call it- is as hard to decode as the "gay lingo". and their are times you can see them silently staring at each other, sometimes with tears falling from their tired eyes down to their beer which they drink without bothering with the new found taste. one must know that no matter what the mood was there's always a good conversation to expect. topics sprung up like weeds; and as senses are heightened (you know why!!!!) one must expect a heated conversation, a shocking confession or an argument between soon to be philosopher's of this tangled world.
it's funny how they can catch up with every word and laugh as if they were the only customers at el ams. that was my first impression of these wonderful personalities that crossed my path when i was hungry for real conversations. then i get to know each and everyone by heart. i started to understand their bond. its not just the beer but the things they share and the things they learn from each other's stories -its life at progress. everytime i talk to one of them,or the group itself, i get a new insight of life or the more dreadful word for it -REALITY. i learned that they were as weak as i am- prone to temptation and anger brought by god knows what. i also learned that they strive hard to be better-sometimes failing, most of the time just dealing and moving on which is a gud sign. some of us has the same storylines. movies with the same scripts but with different characters. i saw patterns from our stories. characters were made. plots was discovered. schemes decoded and solved for peace of mind. i'm not alone afterall, i said to myself.
everyday we meet to share stories,with the beer between us, and just savor the company. fast forward.... finals came and i was there when they cried coz they were afraid that they wont get their diplomaS and still they were drinking. i even found out that they were supposed to pass their final requirements the following day. i bid them goodluck. graduation came and there they were. cum laude..awards here and there...i was shocked. shocked coz i never thought they can get the top spot because of their drinking habits. there i was shocked and proud. this is so long of a blog. i will end this by saying thankYOU for each and everyone of you guys. you inspire me. thankYOU for the stories and for being real. i miss all of you.

one two take me to the zo0; three four take me on tour; five six.....

I
she pulls me in my dreams
and she leads me into reality
that life is not as perfect as i thought it is
but it can perfect when i want it to be

II
when temper strikes she patiently waits for me to calm down
hands held tight under the dark clouds
she stares at me with those eyes
waiting for me to realize that im not right

III
nobody ever waited for me like this
nobody was patient enough to stay at my side when im crazy with the demons inside my head

IV
now i know why i stayed
its because i found something that i thought is dead
its this thumb marks embedded at my neck
the bruises on my cheeks
the anger that consumed me long before
the smiles that took me by surprise
its the simple things that makes me who i am
that died when i thought life is just a time to kill and pass by

V
now that i know its as precious as your smile
i have to stand up and give it my best shot
on mornings when i dont want to get up
at times when i try to hold time
its your face that flashes and reminds me that i have to get on and start my day with a smile

VI
hilom na!!! hug ko hehehehe